drumroll please...

I never win stuff. Door prizes, bingo, tickets, lotto, etc. So I go to this Christmas party & while they're calling out all these door prizes I'm ordering another free drink, only half paying attention because like I said, I never win. Next thing you know they're calling my name for the big prize. THE GRAND PRIZE, the whopper, the one everyone came for, the big kahuna, the really big fish, the raison d'etre, the momma of them all, the Dolly Parton's knockers, the "Happy Birthday" of royalty payments, the Grand Puba.... I won, I won the big one and I made a grand thank you speech: "you like me you really like me" which wasn't very fitting because there had been no voting or any actual validating status to winning, they just took my name on a scrap of paper out of a nicely knit hat. Oh I was so pleased, floating on the clouds back to my seat. YES!!!!!!! I WON!!!! ME, WHO NEVER WINS!!!!!!! I WON!!!! THIS IS MY DAY!!!!!!!!!!! THIS USHERS IN A WHOLE NEW ERA OF LIFE!!!!! I AM NOW FROM THIS DAY FORTH THE ONE WHO WINS!!!!!! So I open my sacred envelope to discover my prize. A one week vacation, all accommodations paid to
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the place I'm from & can go stay for free anytime I feel like it.


Like I said, I never win.