You know for sure that your love wasn't enough.
You know for sure that nobody's love was enough.
& then you have to recalibrate your ideologies of what love is.

SO had a long deja vu last night. I miss deja vu, it's been so long that I'd forgotten completely about it. My last days out west were crazy & chaotic. Too may levels to begin to report but suffice it to say life was anarchistic. @ days before I left my room mate birthed her baby in her room with a midwife, myself & another friend as birthing partners. Her baby's papa had opted for the Grateful Dead tour thus eradicating any possible influence in the child's life forever. he ended up being correct in that it was his last chance to your with the dead as Gerry Garcia died soon after, but really, what the fuck? Last chance to see an aged old freaky haired hippy from 10 miles away or the one & only chance to see your first child born. What a moron.
Baby was born on the hour & day of my birth. Sunny caught the baby while I held mama up from the front & I cut the umbilical cord after it stopped it's pulsating. Man that was something. baby is named for me & sunny, where I'm a leo & she was the sunshine, baby has version of us in his pretty name. 2 days later i flew back east to be with my dying grandma, who like baby was born at home, died at home.no hospitals to usher life in & out this time. 6 months to the day from one event to the next.
I had a 2 week long deja vu when I arrived back east. 2 weeks long of having been in the whole experience before.
time is a strange thing.