Friday, December 23, 2005

There's a reason I don't listen to certain sad songs, especially certain sad songs that represent certain times and circumstances.

Oh how I battered you in my fear. Forgive me forever now that you understand everything and how hard love seeks to know itself.

The holidays themselves don't make me sad, it's the reunions and the representations of how life changing events do actually do that, change your life. And sometimes in the thick of it all you can't figure whether it's for the better or for the worse.

That particular november ended a cycle, ended a whirlwind, a life long (to that point) eccentricity of titanic proportions. So it's better without the constant tsunamis that beat the brain and the heart but so much left when the storm ended, so much that I only have inklings of and dare not sit to consider for fear that I would stay there, irreparably hung.

I can't say that anything is bad necessarily, only that there is a blank canvas where there ought to be color and I can't find the fucking paint.

What a bunch of misfits...

...beautiful, lovely, welcome misfits.

happy freakin' holidays everybody.