Saturday, June 26, 2004

I think it might be the sunshine...

making everything smell like you. I think it might be the sunshine drawing those clear lines about you that draw me from the living and all their needs of me so enveloped am I in the thought of one more chance to share music with you. Might be the warmth makes me feel safe enough to select music on purpose that fills me with the idea of you. And I think it might be the time that I go through these motions of dancing alone in my living room, dancing away all the need for you...
because those that opt to stay are beginning to starve in the empty nutrition of my contstant figuring why you didn't want to.

Friday, June 25, 2004

"Hey miss, can I buy a smoke from ya?"

Yeah you just laze back on your cool bike seat like that handsome young man, completely unconscious of the sentimentality your unrolling in me, in my mind, in my farscape, making my today all some yesterday. You with your jeans slung just so around hips that are no longer young in movement but not old enough to give up yet.
You bringing out a memory that only moments ago was a twinge and now a floodgate. Who sent you?
"Here you can have one..."
I owe you anyway because I needed you to remind what I am reminded again and again in an isolated place. I needed you to remind me right here, right now, out loud like this that I am not the girl of that age anymore putting all my hopes for an extraordinary life into my companionship with 3 or 4 souls, one that has left forever and 3 that divided due to the pain of it, and the possible failure of it.
"Do you want two, one for later or for a friend?"
Cause something owes me this moment and I'm going to extend it another few seconds for the small revelry I can gain from it and if I can never go back to it again and if I'm forced to remember it like this all by myself for the rest of my life like this than I'm going to take these little shadow experiences for all they are worth.
"Hey sure, hey miss you're pretty cool."
Sure thing young buck, I'll take pretty cool today. If you wouldn't think I was a total retard or some weirdo freak I'd ask ya to sit & have a smoke with me and I'd tell you all about this boy I used to know who wore his jeans slung just so about his hips who would stop people for smokes, just a sitting back on his bike seat and we'd go down to the river and smoke instead of going to school and if I could freeze moments I'd be there in love with him forever and the energy would be pure like that forever and we'd be cool like that forever and I wouldn't have to spend all this damn time walking around wondering why the hell he forgot and why it got to him like it did and why those days of trust and sanctuary weren't enough to make him look forward to future days where we could just hang out talking about those days and remember together what it was like to be cool and I could stop being mad at him for ripping me off.
"Okay miss, I'll check you later"
Sure thing cool.
Sure thing.