Saturday, January 24, 2004

Friday, January 23, 2004 -"No black people in the ..."
My comrade repeated it to the speaker to make sure I would hear it so I would know what I was dealing with. Exposed it purposefully because he wanted me to know I was in enemy territory, being treated like a queen because they don't know me. Assuming I was one of them, like them. Loving me for my blue eyes.
I become articulate. My spine finds its stance. I grow a foot in stature. My blood turns to venom. They will say these things about my children.
I can't kill them. I can't cut out their tongues. I can't decapitate or castrate them to ensure that their genes are drained right out of the pool. My society protects them. My government funds them.
I would tell you the whole story, but it isn't necessary. The names and the place and details don't matter because it's only one of many. They came from away, like aliens.
They didn't understand the change in me. What had been a fluid conversation between us changed to them fuddling around with words. It was a cold wind that swept through the room and froze the camaraderie. They became confused and unsure. There was so much blood in my head they could hear the pounding of the pulse in my temples.
They knew I had spit in their faces but it was so full of sugar they were confused. They knew I had bitten their bloody heads off but I was so charming. There are small actions I've taken and they still don't understand what hit them. In just a few hours they will get it. In just a few hours my army rolls over the hill and the Trojan horse of my blue eyes will sparkle and shine.

On another front:
The art of war:
Know your enemy. Keep your enemy close.
Classism, racism, ism ism ism, alive, well and deeply ingrained right here in our own tidy society.
The pimp comes in many forms. The last few days have been pimp heavy.
The Grand Ism revels in the glory of its societal royalty.
Friends, the pimp is alive and well. Watch your backsides.

I'm going out on point. I'm in a strange position where there's a lot at stake. A dividing line between my future and my recent past. Last night I sat with a sickness in my gut as I witnessed two worlds collide, the powerful kicked the underdog in the teeth. Both sides are guilty of sticking so closely to their own guns that a peace accord is not only improbable but impossible. The victor in the war, knowing the taste of victory poured salt in the wound as though it was a shot of tequila. Drove the point home even as the point had already parked and turned off the keys of ignition. When the victorious flaunt their victory they lose a modicum of respect, but they continue to gain and reign in glory. It's rough business.
There's a lot to be said for forthrightness. It's easier on everybody to be frank and up front. To have the kudos to just say what the plan of action is rather than leaving the players groping in the dark, growing angry in vulnerability, plotting against you for leaving them raw and exposed.
There's a lot to be said for having the kudos to cut the lines cleanly, lessen the scar tissue. A clean sharp slice is easier to heal from than a rusty jagged edge.
Who gains strength from the situation?

Monday, January 19, 2004

Only one week left of too much work. I could be an entire staff of 10 right now and there would still be too much work. The phone guy is here to install the second line, one for work one for private. It's not going very well. First he installed the new number into the old jack and asked me? "were you aware you already have phone hook-up & a working line?" Well, yes I was. Could I have it back now? So he re-instates the first phone line and starts to pack up his stuff to go without having installed the second line which is why he was here in the first place. Ok, y'all know I'm not paying for all this. So he asks, where do you want the second line installed. I say in the kitchen or here by the other phone. There's no jack in the kitchen and I don't want the extra charge so by the other phone it is. He starts taking apart the already working jack and I'm saying to him "Is that necessary? I'm keeping that line? Shouldn't you just put another one right next to it?" Now I don't like to be a back seat driver and I'm no phone technician but when he's done if I still have only one phone line and my old number that I'm keeping gets replaced with my new number that I want as well, Someone's getting those two little roach clips he's using to read the numbers right on his eyelids.
...minutes later...
I had a look at his work order and all it says is to install a phone line. Can't blame a guy for not being given the right info. I'll offer him some coffee to make up for the things I've been saying about him in my mind. I'm even gonna pay him, but only for the work I ordered.