Monday, May 03, 2004

I've got to update my links...
getting the yard ready to garden this week replaced the lack of synchronicity between my brain & its pleasure points. There is a dismay hanging in the air around me, much like last night's fog. There are all these things I just couldn't give a shit about that seem to make up the mainframe of the day to day... here I am awaiting a final email so I can work on the final stage of a project.
I need some surreal stimulation, something to balance out all of this logic I'm awash in. Everyday it's numbers & figures, figures & numbers, detals, details, details. Working out the details.
What about that feeling that used to arise, quite by accident... that hmmmmmmm in the rain, that hmmmmmmm during the long walk home..... that hmmmmmm deep in some mysterious part of the brain that has to do with an ultra life, an uber life. I spent most of my time in my 20's moving around, here there & everywhere. Checkin' in & out of reality. I wanted to ground down a few years back out of necessity. Necessity of health, yogurt smoothies and spinach salads. Well I succeeded. I'm all ground down. ground down to a dull point, no mystery, no ultra life to throw a wrench in the cog.
There was a highway so bold that when I stood in front of it my grey eyes turned a violent blue and I saw like an elf, for miles ahead knowong every twist and turn that would arise before me and I walked into it welcoming the anger and the danger as though they were my best friends.
Maybe once you raise the bar like that you can't ever really go back. it's like a sort of shell shock.
oh dangerous highway....