I was commenting to my pal how sweetly the season had come and gone without tragedy or inordinate drama. I was figuring it was mostly due to choices to have a few quiet days to serve as my holiday revellry. Spent sweet and necessary time with my love and my family. Digested all the events of the past year... sat somewhat amazed at the drastic changes that had been made, some chosen and some not, some yearned for and some with regret and dismay. And of course one more evening of bittersweet memories of Carlo.
But unfortunate news has its way of finding you.
I can't say I was her close friend. As much as I was interested in her she didn't let you in very easily, but she'd let her son know you openly and enjoy his affections for you. She had the prettiest eyes sparkling out through her sorrows. You could feel the pain of her isolation when you were around her and she was always walking alone seeking in her landscape what could never be fulfilled because for some reason she wouldn't let people in there with her. The mind is a mystery that way, how it kept her from allowing what she needed most, the paranoia had built a strong fortress against the community, laughter and intimacy she so desired.
She went out to York Redoubt, left her knapsack on the cliff with a note to call her son's aunt when it was found and vanished into who knows what end. She left a very elaborate letter explaining her deed. For the sake of her son I suppose. Her body has not been found.
When I saw her last week she seemed so alone. I imagined she was missing her child. She looked a little ghostly, but then she was always pale and elflike.
So alone.
I reread the part of Carlo's goodbye poem where he described his belief that there is a time allotted for each of us and the unwritten part where if you knew him you knew he was saying that sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands.
I thought back to the time this past summer where I was sitting on her doorstep with her and her son and his father. After the boys left she laughed at a little something I said and it was the first time I had ever heard her laugh and for that little moment she looked so happy and free. laughter looked simply gorgeous on her. Crazy, for the decade I knew her that's the only memory I have of her laughter and even of talking with her for that long and eye to eye.

http://www.allposters.com/gallery.asp?aid=811147&item=311335

www.orisinal.com
the flash games are strange and pastel

some stuff to look at if your bored
http://www.subway-life.com/
http://www.gethappy.com/watchmore.html
http://www.froguts.com/flash_content/demo/frog.html
http://www.justinspace.com/obscene/oi1intro.html

oh man the spelling errors...

It's Santa night once again ladies and gents...when I was a little kid I liked the stocking better than the gifts. My Mum could have saved some cash by knowing that at the time but I never did tell her. We used to draw names between the siblings and get each other a $5 dollar gift. I always wanted to get my big brother those baby bottles that appeared to be emptying as you turned them upside down but my Mum never thought it was appropriate and questioned my wanting to get him a gift I would want instead of something he would want. I think I'm less selfish now. Imagine my brother opening that Xmas morning... the gratitude would have been overwhelming I'm sure. I liked those fake-o baby bottles because they were endless, imagine an endless suckling bottle at this point in your life...bottomless suckling...oh yeah.
We have a Kwanza candelabra set up (all year round actually) it looks like a hannukah candelabra but we haven't done the daily Kwanza stuff.

Ahhhhhhh festivus.............


Last night I had a really great time pretending in front of a big group of strangers pretending that I really dug the drumtrack to Tiffany's "I think we're alone now" . I played airdums and freaked over the automated and spacey sounding rolls. The strangers were apparently convinced as they laughed nervously and did not invite me for holiday libations at their house.

I really miss Ryah. I have all these photos of her around looking so hot in her cherries. The great thing about Ryah was we got to see her open and explode. When I first met her I really had to keep at her because she had this way of looking at you like she could see right through you and she wasn't buying it, nosirree jim. I liked her straight away and found it rather cool that I had to prove my friendship worth to her. From most people this would suck and I'd be "oh okay fuck you and suck my ass" but from Ryah it was appropriate and endearing. This one night she was really bombed and running all around the club with little messages glued to her forehead. I laughed so hard. That gurl can drink. Then she got addicted to the video game at Charlie's and left school. Not because of the video game but because she had other things to learn. She's got the best heart, wants to take care of her Dad and stands her ground. Someone spread some malicious and false gossip about her and she tore the house down around the teller and then felt bad about the way she did it. Anyway, Ryah is a rare bird and it was wonderful to be in her unfolding moments. She's gonna kick the shit out of her new territories. She says she'll be back in a year but I have a funny feeling life's gonna offer her something grand that'll keep her away longer than that.

ok the tree is all done and is spankin'. Turned on the heat a little, coffe bush is toast but I think the goldfish will make it. There's this really crazy chick that likes me a lot. I mean crazy in the dangerous way where she could pull a knife on ya if ya cast back her affections. She is out to dinner. let alone lunch. Anyway she really likes to tell me all of her troubles and I truthfully try to lend her a bit of logic. My first instinct when I met her was to give her a fake name and tell her I was an alien from another planet that could read her mind and screw with her thoughts. Luckily I didn't because she probably would've hunted me down in the night and killed me. I'm getting fairly tired of her violence and how she uses her cracked demeanor to keep people feeling sorry for her. Sometimes I'll run into her and she'll be very sweet and I'll think to myself "awww, why've i been so disdainful of her?" then her eyes flicker and roll all around and I say "oh yeah cause she's freakin' cracked!"
My friend the good witch made me some incense to clear out my space and it worked . It smells so good. Thick deep aroma.